Restlessness & writing
It may not seem like it, but living in Alabama right now is a major blessing to our family because of what it means for my husbands career. It's incredibly temporary and if I do complain about it, it's not a real issue. I'm a very flexible, optimistic person; you have to be, in a military family.
We're together = we're happy.
You always have to find the silver lining.
Even though I had to put my formal education on hiatus to come here, it has turned out to be a very lucrative environment for me. Not being swamped with school work and the hustle/bustle of the city has given me more time than I've had in a long time to do my own writing. There is a peacefulness here that allows me time to think without distraction. Time to make plans for what I want for myself and what we want for our family.
I miss the classroom like crazy.
I feel like it's all fading and I might be losing everything I've learned.
So I just keep writing...
But still, I get so restless. I keep telling myself, I have time. I have time.
I will use this year to have fun with it.
No pressure, no expectations. There is no hurry.
But I still get so damn restless.
I am constantly bugging my husband...
"When will we find out our next duty station?"
"Where do you think we're going next? Is there a college there?"
I came so close to finishing my degree and I voluntarily walked away knowing that I would go back. Actually, I stopped going because I had Jude while Jeremy was deployed, but that's a decision I would make the same way a million times over if I had to. My children needed me, and they always come first.
No regrets. At all.
I can be so hard on myself. I blame myself for wasting time, when I know that time spent being a mother is anything but wasted.
I have to just let myself relax and just accept that for now, I have this short time to focus on myself, my goals, my family, our future.
I drive myself crazy.
Thanks for sticking through that, if you did.
I rambled a bit, didn't I?
Do you ever feel this way?
Like you can't relax when you know you should?