It may not seem like it, but living in Alabama right now is a major blessing to our family because of what it means for my husbands career. It's incredibly temporary and if I do complain about it, it's not a real issue. I'm a very flexible, optimistic person; you have to be, in a military family.
We're together = we're happy.
You always have to find the silver lining.
Even though I had to put my formal education on hiatus to come here, it has turned out to be a very lucrative environment for me. Not being swamped with school work and the hustle/bustle of the city has given me more time than I've had in a long time to do my own writing. There is a peacefulness here that allows me time to think without distraction. Time to make plans for what I want for myself and what we want for our family.
And yet...
I miss the classroom like crazy.
I feel like it's all fading and I might be losing everything I've learned.
So I just keep writing...
But still, I get so restless. I keep telling myself, I have time. I have time.
I will use this year to have fun with it.
No pressure, no expectations. There is no hurry.
But I still get so damn restless.
I am constantly bugging my husband...
"When will we find out our next duty station?"
"Where do you think we're going next? Is there a college there?"
I came so close to finishing my degree and I voluntarily walked away knowing that I would go back. Actually, I stopped going because I had Jude while Jeremy was deployed, but that's a decision I would make the same way a million times over if I had to. My children needed me, and they always come first.
No regrets. At all.
I can be so hard on myself. I blame myself for wasting time, when I know that time spent being a mother is anything but wasted.
I have to just let myself relax and just accept that for now, I have this short time to focus on myself, my goals, my family, our future.
I drive myself crazy.
{deep breath}
Thanks for sticking through that, if you did.
I rambled a bit, didn't I?
Do you ever feel this way?
Like you can't relax when you know you should?
-Jessica
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I don't have babies, but I definitely feel this way sometimes. It was really hard for me to justify not working full-time when we moved. Now, I look back & wish I had just enjoyed the year off, and didn't rush to take online classes. There is no rush.. school will always be there, wherever you are.
ReplyDeleteWhen I found out I got into the dance company I auditioned for, I realized that all the goals I had written for this year had happen. Well, the big ones anyways : Be teaching at a studio, Get into a performing company and be covering my student loans each month with some dollars to spare. And yet, I am always looking ahead to my Master's in Fine Arts. I miss school SO MUCH somedays that I do my husband's math homework just to get a fix. As long as you have no regrets and know that school will more then likely always be there for you...chilling out is ok. But if you're anything like me...next to impossible :P
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